I turn eighteen tomorrow – it’s less than seven hours. Have I really been alive for this long?

Apr 29th / Tagged: life birthday pondering me personal eighteen / 1 note
Mar 15th / Tagged: Submission Random Meme Cartoon Gpoy Life Funny True Story The Best FUNNIEST! adele set fire to the rain submission / 3,601 notes

I cannot.. I just.. asdfghjkl. I wish I could go to bed, and when I wake up everything will be okay again.

Nov 22nd / Tagged: personal life problems / 1 note
Nov 7th / Tagged: okay end everything life quotes destination inspiration queue / 72 notes
Put your iPod on shuffle and see the soundtracks to your life.


Opening Credits: Godsmack – Faceless

Waking Up: Evanescence – Lose Control

First Day At School: James Dooley – Empire

Falling In Love: AC/DC – Whole Lotta Rosie

Fight Song: Metallica – Loverman

Breaking Up: Self Esteem – The Offspring

Life’s OK: In Flames – Trigger

Getting Back Together: Dream Theater – Scarred

Wedding: Band Of Skulls – Friends

Birth of Child: Howard Shore – Jacob’s Theme

Final Battle: Limp Bizkit – My Way

Death Scene: Metallica – Fade To Black (YEEEEEEES, JUST WHAT I WAS HOPING FOR!!! I love you, iPod!)

Funeral Song: Metallica – Orion

End Credits: Metallica – The God That Failed

Oct 22nd / Tagged: personal iPod Soundtracks to life life music / Notes
Oct 14th / Tagged: be yourself life people quotes inspiration queue / 25 notes
Oct 8th / Tagged: picture personal sadness sad depression life death / 764 notes
Oct 1st / Tagged: fuck this comic is great you must publish it submission comic gpoy life random submission / 13,603 notes
So you want to kill yourself? Because no one cares about you. Your family hates you. Right? No. Your parents walking in your room in the morning to only find a dead body. They’ll try their hardest to not think negative, and to just think that you’re fooling around. Then they’ll start shaking you. Why aren’t you breathing? They’ll be broken. Tears. Many tears. More tears than you ever shed. Was it them? Were they the reason you did this? More tears. Pain. Every day. Every night. Every single second of every day. Guilt. More guilt. What about your bestfriends? They’re not going to care. Right? No. What’s the first thing that will go through their mind when your principal comes in and tells the class that you’re not alive. While your bestfriend sits there in tears. That girl that you’d smile at but never talk to? She’s now crying. The boy who used to kick you under the table just to annoy you? He’ll be shocked. He’ll be devastated. He’ll blame himself. What about your teacher? Thoughts crossing her mind. She’ll question if you did it because she didn’t make school comfortable enough for you. Pain. Devastation. All in one. Who organises your funeral? Who has to go through your stuff? Clothes? Notes? Those few older girls who used to give you daggers at school? They’ll feel regret. They’ll blame themselves. See, if you killed yourself today, you’ll never know what might of happened tomorrow. You’ll never know because you’re dead. Plain dead. Not breathing. Not alive. Just dead. Your family hates themselves for it. Your bestfriend then falls into depression. Tears. Tears. More tears than a river. All because you killed yourself because you thought noone would care. Right? You are loved. By many. Someone right now is thinking of you. And right now, I’m thinking about anyone who has thought or is considering suicide. You are beautiful. No matter if you’re black, white, homo-sexual, tall, short, overweight or anorexic. You are beautiful. You want to kill yourself? Think about it first. There’s no coming back. And I promise, if you do it, you are not only hurting yourself, you are hurting many. You are creating more tears than you led yourself to. You are making everyone miserable and making them all feel guilt and pain. Never will they feel whole like they used to when they had you. You are beautiful. And you are never ever alone.


No, that’s not why. I know that it’s considered a ‘norm’ and ‘normal’ to want to die because you are not accepted, because you have no one, and no one cares, but… 

it is NOT so for everyone. 

I am happy for you if you believe in the things you posted about depression and suicide. But here’s how I see it - not me, not anyone around me (family, friends, classmates, co-workers)…no one can make my life “happy” or  better. The things that make my life hell, and the things that depress me the most are things that can’t be changed. (I don’t care about having friends or family. I care about how fucked up the world is and such. So I always feel horrible when I see posts like that.  

I want to cry every time I read a post like that. Because I’m not even human enough to want to die because of “humanly” reasons, reasons that even the doctors believe are the ones that are the reasons. That’s also part of the reasons I see no use of seeing therapists, doctors… because seeing them I feel even worse. I feel like a sociopath. As I fit the ‘norms’, the ‘labels’. I don’t feel or care. About any of the things humans do.  I care about the world, but not about relationships. I understand it’s my problem, not anyone elses, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. The doctors think I actually care, and actually want what they believe I want, and am like this because of something from the past.  But if you take away the genetics, and such, there is no such reason. I do not wish to think I’m a psychopath that I don’t care about any of that. 

To me: it is not important if you care about anyone or if anyone cares about you. As a person. me, you, everyone… as people are unimportant. This whole world and societal norms, and the way this world is made up —- it is all unimportant in my opinion. And I am well aware how people see this statement. Sure, they can say they understand me, or that no feelings or views are wrong, but in reality I am labeled automatically a sociopath. Just because my views on life and world are so rare, no ones is willing to let me have them. No, this is not about them accepting me or my views - it’s about me not having the ‘right’to think this way. 

But for those who care - if the people around them do not have the courage to be there for them, and help before they leave this world, then in my opinion they should feel guilty.

The reason why I haven’t gone yet, is partly me being a coward, and partly not wanting anything left behind. On the times I’ve been close, I’ve cleaned up my work place, and done as much as possible to leave as little as possible to do to others. I never wanted to leave debts behind, and people left cleaning up my place, or arrange for funeral, or anything - yes, I have thought about everything! - that’s a crazy reason for not doing it. I am basically living only because I don’t want to leave a burden to others. But who cares? Really? I could die in an accident, anyone could. And people have to then arrange things. It is in my opinion absolutely selfish from the people around a suicidal person to claim that they care, and how can the person do that to them. In all honesty - if they do care, then they would be there. If they don’t (if they have problems of their own, if they don’t knwo how to help), then they won’t in the future either. 

To me that’s logical. 

And I am sorry, but to say that things will get better in this world… is clearly not looking at the facts. his world is so fuc*ed. Personally am not okay with the capitalist world. It sickens me to no end. I am not willing to be a part of the capitalist world, when I know that me having options means that someone esle doesn’t. I am not okay with that. I will never be. And with thsi no doctors, no people around me can’t help. So why can’t I go? Why do I have to feel guilty and cry and feel bad about killing myself — only that the people left behind wouldn’t cry? 

I have clearly stated in my letters that it’s none of their “fault”- it’s nothing they could have ever done. What kind of a helpful person tells a suicidal person that they can’t end their pain or their discomfort  because it would be painful to the people left behind? What? I ask.

Sep 19th / Tagged: depression help hope life sadness suicide / 45 notes

Sep 19th / Tagged: the lion king lion king draw drawing art artwork colors life people nature culture / 111 notes

This week’s climax — I was going to hang out with a friend today — has been cancelled. I’m disappointed. And sad.

Sep 7th / Tagged: personal life friends / 0 notes
Jul 1st / Tagged: life submission submission / 33,518 notes

My computer crashed yesterday, so don’t expect me to be much on Tumblr. I’ll use my brother’s computer whenever I can, I promise :3

Jun 18th / Tagged: me life computer / Notes
May 18th / Tagged: life / 21,679 notes

My new life starts today. Hopefully, I can do this.

Mar 29th / Tagged: me life / 1 note

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